


every Sunday's gettin' more bleak

by Murf1307



Series: blue skies forever [6]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Coming Out, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hugs, Interracial Relationship, Kissing, References to Period-Typical Racism & Transphobia, Trans Alex Summers, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21847654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murf1307/pseuds/Murf1307
Summary: Alex struggles in the lead-up to the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Thankfully, the people who love her are there to help.
Relationships: Armando Muñoz/Alex Summers, Hank McCoy & Alex Summers, Raven | Mystique & Alex Summers
Series: blue skies forever [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/965085
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18
Collections: Actually Alex/Darwin





	every Sunday's gettin' more bleak

"Alex, really, this should go against your skin, or you're only going to burn whatever clothes you're wearing," Hank says, clearly frustrated.

She glares at him. "I am _not_ stripping down in front of you, sorry." He clearly has no idea that she is what she is, and she's in no mood to tell him. "I'll be fine."

"We might — if it comes down to it, in a fight —"

"What, are you really worried burning through my shirt is going to reduce the energy output to _any_ significant degree?!" she snaps. "In case you didn't notice, my energy almost _blew up Darwin_ three months ago!"

"I'm trying to keep you _safe!"_ Hank shouts, slamming his hand down on one of his lab tables. "If we have to fight, we can't go in half-cocked like you and Darwin did that night; we need to be prepared! I've spent the last three months trying to make it so _that_ never happens again!"

He sounds hurt, but Alex is hurt, too. "If you want to keep me _safe, Hank_ , don't make me take off my clothes."

"Why is this such a _problem_ ?" he asks. "I swear I have _no_ untoward intentions, and I didn't peg you as — as _insecure_."

That makes her snap. She rounds on him. "Well, maybe, for some of us, _acting_ insecure is fucking dangerous, because for some of us, it's not fucking legal to _exist_ in most places, _Hank."_ In the moment, she kind of hates him. "Not everybody just has to hide their _feet._ "

"What are you talking about?" Hank asks, drawn up short by her outburst.

"I'm a transsexual," she replies, the words almost defeated. "Now fuck off."

She turns on her heel and stalks off, trying as hard as she can to keep her pace steady and her face stony, even as everything in her wants to collapse and cry.

Eventually, she turns a corner and sees Raven coming toward her, dressed like she's just finished in the weight room. She's blue, her hair slicked back, and part of Alex looks at her and wants to die. She'll never be that beautiful, and she _knows_ she won't, she accepted that a long time ago, but sometimes, the reminder still hurts.

Raven slows down. "Alex? Are you okay?" she says, catching one of Alex's elbows. "Did something happen?"

"It's just — just fucking _Hank,_ " she snaps. "Wanted to fit me for the vest."

"Oh," Raven says, and before Alex has her wits about her, she pulls Alex into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I'll — does he know why you wouldn't do that?"

Raven had found out when they were drunk, a couple days before everything went to hell in Virginia. Alex had confessed to her exactly why she and Darwin shouldn't date, how dangerous it could be for him, her being what she is. Angel had held her hand as she slurred through her life story, and Alex had never felt more like she had real girl friends than she had in that moment.

"I told him, and then I stormed out," she says, muffled a little by Raven's sweatshirt.

"I'll go talk to him," Raven promises. "He's probably already sorry."

Alex nods. She does feel a little bad about that. The vest helps, without question, and she _is_ grateful for everything he's doing to help, but something about the two of them just doesn't gel, and they wind up saying exactly the worst things to each other.

Raven pulls away. "I think Darwin's supposed to be sparring with Erik right about now," she says, smirking a little. "If you're lucky, he might be running around shirtless."

"Ray!" Alex flushes a deep pink. 

"Just saying, you can look as much as you want, and pretend you're studying their moves." Raven winks. "Now, I'm gonna go talk to Hank, and I'll see you later, alright?"

Alex can't help but laugh, just a little.

It's amazing, just how much having a good friend can make things just a little bit easier to cope with.

* * *

They're gathered around the television, because Moira got word that something was about to go down.

Alex shivers when President Kennedy's face appears onscreen, and she moves a little closer to Darwin. This isn't going to go well; she's sure that whatever the President has to say, it won't be good for the eight of them.

_"This government, as promised, has maintained the closest surveillance of the Soviet military buildup on the island of Cuba. Within the past week, unmistakable evidence has established the fact that a series of offensive missile sites is now in preparation on that imprisoned island. The purpose of these bases can be none other than to provide a nuclear strike capability against the Western Hemisphere."_

Darwin's hand finds hers and holds it tight.

She squeezes back.

It's hard, getting through the rest of the address. The tension in the room thickens and slides down her throat, settling into her stomach like tar.

When it's over, everyone is shaken, except maybe Erik, and everyone is trying not to show it.

"Well," Charles says, taking a deep breath. "We'll be leaving for Cuba in the morning, then." He stands up, turning toward the rest of them. "I suggest you all get some sleep, if you can."

Alex knows she won't. She can't, not facing Armageddon.

She appreciates the sentiment, though.

* * *

Charles and Erik need Darwin to stay in the study, to strategize, and Alex lingers outside.

She's not expecting it, when Hank approaches her, and she jumps when he clears his throat to get her attention. She looks over at him, and sees that he's flushed with embarrassment.

"Alex. I — I want to apologize, for what happened in my lab last week." He shifts uncomfortably on his feet. "I swear, I had no idea about your...your situation, and I apologize for making you feel unsafe." He bites his lip. "I shouldn't have pushed like that."

"It's fine, Hank," she says, softly. "You didn't know. I was just...frustrated."

"If there's anything — anything I can do, if we reach the other side of tomorrow, please, let me know." He takes a breath. "I haven't got much experience in endocrinology, but —"

She isn't thinking straight. That's the excuse she gives herself as she throws herself into Hank's arms and hugs him tight. 

"Thanks," she mumbles. "And just, be careful, yeah? Tomorrow."

His arms wrap gingerly around her. "As long as you are, too," he says, quietly. "You and Darwin and Sean and Raven...you guys are the best friends I've ever had."

She squeezes him a little tighter for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut for a second against what definitely aren't tears. "God, you're cheesy."

He laughs, just a little, then steps back. "Well, not all of us have the market cornered on sarcasm like you do."

"Yeah, yeah, I guess. Still totally dorky, though." She smiles at him.

He nods, still a little flushed. "I, I should go. I had something I wanted to show Raven." He steps back.

Her smile turns into a bit of a smirk. "Ah, of course. You should definitely go find her, then."

"Y-yes," he says, his blush intensifying. 

He leaves, and Alex leans against the wall again, waiting for Darwin.

She can't go to bed without seeing him, talking to him. Not tonight, of all nights. Not with tomorrow looming. So she waits until the door creaks open and he leaves the study.

He blinks at her. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

She gives him a little smile. "Wouldn't be the first time I've waited up for you," she points out.

"Yeah, but, tomorrow's —"

"Sh," she hushes him, stepping into his space. "Just, for a minute, I don't want to think about tomorrow, okay?"

He nods, and reaches out, tracing the high cut of her cheekbone. "Okay."

She leans into his touch, eyes slipping shut. If it all ends tomorrow, she wants to have had this before she goes. His touch, aching in the dark.

"You know you're beautiful, right?" he asks her.

She bites her lip and looks at him. "You make me feel like I am."

He shifts closer to her. “It’s true. You are. When we met, and you were looking at clothes in Macy’s…”

She flushes. They’ve never been so overt about these things. “Is that why you were watching me? Because you thought I was pretty?”

“Mhm,” he murmurs, his free hand sliding around her waist. “Sorry if it freaked you out, back then.” 

“It’s okay. I — I didn’t realize it, then. But now…”

He smiles at her, softly. “Yeah. Now’s different.” 

She nods. “Yeah. Now...now we’ve been through a lot more, and I trust you.” She trusts him more than anyone. “You...care about me.”

Sometimes, that’s the hardest thing to internalize, that there’s a man in her life who just _cares._ He doesn’t expect anything of her, he understands that the world makes both their lives harder even without this _thing_ growing between them.

This _love_ , really. 

She knows that’s what it is.

He nods back at her. “Yeah, hotshot,” he murmurs, hugging her against his chest, one hand in her hair, now. “I do.”

Finally, she wraps her arms around his shoulders, returning his embrace. 

“If, tomorrow,” she says, a little shakily. “If it goes bad…”

His arms tighten around her. “I won’t let it, Alex.”

She bites her lip and pulls back a little. “No, I think, I think we need to talk about this.” She takes his hands in hers. “We were reckless, last time, and it cost you.”

He squeezes her hands. “I won’t let it happen again.”

She tugs him away from the study. “I know. But you can’t be everywhere at once.” 

He follows her, holding her hand. His silence speaks volumes.

“And you don’t — you don’t know if you could take it, if Shaw came at you with a bomb behind him.” She hates to say it, but she has to.

Tomorrow could be the end of everything. She wants him to know things.

“Okay,” he gives her, softly, as they move into the library. She leads him to the big, soft couch by the window. 

He pulls her to him again, as they sit down. 

She leans against him. “I have. I had. A sister, before my parents died. We got separated in the foster system.” 

“Okay,” he repeats, softly. “What’s her name?”

“Veronica. Veronica Summers. I mean, I don’t know if that would be her last name, still.” She changed her name back to Summers after she got emancipated at sixteen. She’d hated being Alexander Blanding, and escaped it as soon as she could. “If...if I don’t live through tomorrow, and you do...could you look for her?”

He nods, holding her tighter. “Yeah. I can do that.” He presses his face into the juncture of her neck and shoulder. “God, I don’t wanna bury you.”

She blinks back tears. “I don’t wanna bury you, either.” 

But it’s a distinct possibility. 

He kisses the bolt of her jaw. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it has to be like this.”

 _Like this._ Like they can’t be who they want to be, unless they’re staring down the barrel at the end of the world as they know it.

If they might die tomorrow, they can give into themselves tonight.

But only tonight, and they both know that.

The world’s too cruel, otherwise.

She shifts a little, pressing their foreheads together. “I want you to know — because if we don’t make it, if we don’t both make it — I want you to know that I love you.”

He swallows, both of his hands coming up to touch her cheeks, softly, with just his fingertips. “I love you, too.”

It should be moving too fast, she thinks. They’ve only known each other for a few months. They’ve only kissed once. They can’t even, really, be together. Not in public, anyway, and secrets hurt.

But it’s true. She’s never felt this way about anyone else, and she knows he feels the same about her.

“Can I kiss you?” she asks. She thinks he’ll say yes.

He nods. “Yeah. Y-yeah.” 

She leans in, that hair’s-breadth between them shrinking and vanishing as she presses her lips to his. 

She’s surprised to find he’s trembling.

 _I’m sorry_ , she thinks, knowing how much this is going to hurt. If either of them dies, she knows the other will be inconsolable. If they both make it out, they have to go back to the way things were.

Catch-22. 

He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her to him, and she goes with his movements, shifting until she’s in his lap. 

He’s looking into her eyes, and God, she wishes this could be easy. She wishes she was like other girls, or even just _like Angel_. Things wouldn’t be so complicated, then. She could just love him, and the world would hate them both just a little bit less.

She just wants to love him. No, that’s not it. She just wants to be _allowed_ to love him.

She’s going to love him anyway.

“If, if we do make it out of tomorrow,” she starts, haltingly. “Do you think we could — be together? Even just in secret.” She’s desperate for him, and part of her knows she can’t stop herself, now that they’ve both admitted to how they feel.

He blinks, and she can see the glimmer of tears in his eyes. “You sure you wanna take that risk, sweetheart?”1

Her heart throbs in her chest. “I am.”

She loves him, she loves him, she loves him.

His thumb brushes her cheekbone again. “People are gonna want to hurt us, if it ever gets out. Just because you’re a white girl.”

“I know. And they’ll want to hurt us just as much if they knew what kind of girl I am.”

He swallows. “Yeah. And you’re not...you don’t have my gifts.”

“It’s a risk,” she agrees. “But I...damnit, ‘Mando.” She turns her face to kiss his palm. “I can’t spend the rest of my life waiting for the world to change.”

“Okay.” He lets one hand fall to her waist. “Then we’ll do it. If we make it out of tomorrow, we’ll be together.”

He sounds determined, and she kisses him, because how could she do anything else?

His arm slips around her back, pulling her close, and she kisses him a little deeper as a result. His mouth tastes like cherry cola and spaghetti — the only thing Raven can cook on her own — and she runs her tongue along the seam of his lips, testing.

He opens his mouth under her, his tongue brushing against hers, and she falls into him, fully and completely.

She’s never been kissed like this, so honestly, so sweetly. She loves every second of it.

When they come up for air, she can’t help but smile. He smiles back, and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “Beautiful,” he murmurs.

She blushes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Despite everything that’s coming for them, she’s not sure she’s ever been happier than she is in this moment.

“Y’know,” he says, consideringly, “If we’re gonna be going steady…”

He reaches down the collar of his own shirt, pulling a chain from inside it. There’s a ring on chain, and in a few moments, he’s got it off.

She’s a little gobsmacked. “Your high school ring?”

“Mhm.” He takes her hand. “Mind it, much?”

Tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. “I love it,” she whispers, as he slides the ring onto her finger. It’s gold, with a dark red stone, a little more fancy that she would’ve expected. Then again, Darwin _did_ go to boarding school. 

He smiles at her. “Good. I want you to have it.” 

She throws her arms around his neck and holds him tight. “I love you, so much.”

“Love you too.”

For once, that really does feel like enough.

Maybe, just this once, love will be enough, she hopes, and, as she kisses him again, she thinks she believes it will be.

He kisses back, holding her close, and she thinks, maybe he believes it, too.

**Author's Note:**

> They did it! They got together!
> 
> Now let's just hope Cuba doesn't tear them apart.


End file.
